Women: Casual Sex is Not what We were Built to Do

“Our bodies talk to us, ya know.”

My gynecologist stares back at me. She can tell I’m hiding something. Here I am for the second time in a month, the bottom half of me is exposed, and I’m about to start my fifth round of treatment for a reoccurring yeast infection. I never get yeast infections. Something is definitely off, although it is not only in my body, it is in my heart.

I start to sob. I’ve been holding all this in for so long. I have so much shame, so much self-judgment. I have not been honest with myself, and it is literally making me sick.

Through my tears, I tell her I know why it keeps happening—and it is far from physical. I know it’s because I am not honoring myself through the current sexual relationship I am having and, as a result, my body has shown me who is boss. As I spill my guts about my confusion, pain, and discomfort, she holds a beautiful space for me to grieve.

And then she says something that makes me feel better: “You are not alone.”

As a heterosexual woman, I have been dealt a complicated hand. Men and women have very different evolutionary musculature, which when not understood, creates a lot of hurt feelings and confusion. These evolutionary differences must be respected by both sexes.

A woman’s main evolutionary road map is all about nesting and having babies, with the main goal being to keep the species going and cared for. I like to think of it as “creating the hearth.” Even if a woman does not consciously desire these things when she chooses a sexual partner, it doesn’t matter. Her body has thousands and thousands of years of evolutionary coding built in.

A man’s main evolutionary road map is also to keep the species going, but in a very different way—by spreading his seed. Even if a man has no desire to have children with multiple women, it doesn’t matter. His wiring is in control.

When a woman has sex, she releases oxytocin, or the “cuddle hormone.” Her body does not know if her partner is a casual fling or the love of her life. Men produce this as well, just not as much of it. Because the cuddle hormone lowers our defenses and creates bonding, a woman is more likely to
attach after sex—this is not because she is needy or crazy, it is because her evolutionary makeup is at work.

When a man has sex, he also releases oxytocin, but he releases more of the pleasure hormone, dopamine. Dopamine is addictive.

Furthermore, women have limited time to have a baby. Men do not.

The free love movement of the 1960s was necessary to free women from lots and lots of sexual repression. We have been told for thousands of years that our bodies are the property of men and that we should be so lucky to have a shot at our own sexual needs, desires, and expressions. To add insult to injury, men have made billions off our bodies in all forms.

The free love movement made a fatal error though. We gave the power of sex back to women, but we forgot a big part of the equation: the sacredness and weight of sex was forgotten.

I believe that women should be able to explore their bodies and sexuality in any way they choose. But I think we also have to start being honest with ourselves—that casualizing sex hurts us. Even when we don’t want it to, it hurts us. Even when we don’t mean it to, it hurts us. It hurts us because women have to compartmentalize the most sacred parts of ourselves if we choose a casual partner.

There is no way around our biology—which is what I am discovering. It is arrogant for women to think they can separate it—they can’t and they shouldn’t. We have been told to think and act like men for so long, we have forgotten ourselves.

Women are not men. We need to stop thinking that how we feel about these things is wrong. It isn’t. It is our makeup. It is who we are. And who we are is beautiful.

I am not a stupid person. I know these things. But a lot of times, what we know goes out the window when someone we are uncontrollably attracted to (and we know is uncontrollably attracted to us) is standing right in front of us, usually telling us something we long to hear. Our mind says, “Run!” but our body says, “Stay.”

I thought I was such a forward-thinking woman. I thought this because I believed that locking away parts of myself to have casual sex was a strong and modern thing to do. It isn’t. I know this because it feels like absolute sh*t. And feelings don’t lie.

This is not a judgment on casual sex—rather it is an opening for women to re-examine why we are doing it and what we think we are going to get out of it. Women long for companionship and closeness. It is how we are built—it is not wrong or weak. Humans are a tribal people. We seek togetherness.

I have asked my body for forgiveness because I failed it. That is the part that hurts the most. I gave away my sacredness, my strength, and on a level, my soul. I didn’t cherish myself. I feel I not only turned against my own body, I turned against my womanhood—the very thing that makes me powerful, beautiful, strong, and gentle. I will never do that again.

There is another reason why this is all so heavy—in not honoring myself, I didn’t honor how I do wish to experience a man—as a partner, best friend, confidant, and lover. For me, my thinking that casual sex was all I deserved blocked me from seeing how much I do want to love and connect with a good man.

If that is my lesson, then it was worth it.

~


Author: Elizabeth Gordon
Image: The National Archives UK/Flickr 
Editor: Catherine Monkman

REPOST from Source https://www.elephantjournal.com/2017/10/women-casual-sex-is-not-what-we-were-built-to-do/

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From a dumpsite to a vegetable garden

Pietermaritzburg gardeners offer free vegetables to the elderly

By Nompendulo Ngubane
26 September 2017

Photo of vegetable garden
A vegetable garden project in Pietermaritzburg offers free food to those who cannot afford to pay. Photo: Nompendulo Ngubane

Five residents of France location in Pietermaritzburg have turned a dump site into a vegetable garden, selling and donating vegetables to the community .

Mduduzi Hlongwane, 51, Nkosingiphile Chule, 22, Khethiwe Zulu, 29, Xolile Chule, 23 and Sindisile Stephanis, 24, are the brains behind the garden, which has become a much-needed source of food for elderly residents.

Hlongwane said the initiative was prompted by the high rate of unemployment and poverty in the area, and the increasing use of drugs by young people.

He said he had started the garden in February, with the four others. They had raised R200 for seeds and manure. “I don’t have much experience in agriculture but I was prepared to share the little knowledge I have.”

They grow spinach, onions, tomatoes, carrot, beetroot and lettuce.

“Little did we know that the garden would benefit the community. Some buy, but we donate most of our veggies to the needy without money. We can’t make them pay R10 for spinach which they don’t have. The elderly come to us or send children to ask and we can’t say no. You can’t refuse when a person is asking for food.”

​He said the group had made a small dam and he had spent R1,500 of his savings on a pump to water the vegetables. “No one taught us. It was through brainstorming that we came up with that idea,” said Hlongwane.

“To us this is not just a garden anymore. It has become more of an agricultural course. We have learnt a lot and we are still learning,” said Nkosingiphile.

Nkosingiphile said he had passed matric but his parents did not have money for further education and he had no job. Like other young people in the area he would “wake up and do nothing”.

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Which are the best principles for effective risk management?

Source: Which are the best principles for effective risk management?

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To fully reconcile The Boer War is to fully understand the ‘BLACK’ Concentration Camps

Source: To fully reconcile The Boer War is to fully understand the ‘BLACK’ Concentration Camps

Posted in Character, Organizations

How to Do A SWOT Analysis on Yourself (And Why You Need One)

Stupid WordPress not Embedding proper anymore so Copy and Paste with Quoting Source 😉

One of the most basic lessons you learn in first year business school is the SWOT analysis – strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, and threats. And it’s a great framework to apply to your business to understand what you do well, what you can improve on, and where the greatest threats to your company lie.

But how about a SWOT analysis on ourselves? Where are your blind spots? What do you struggle with? Here’s a simple framework to give it a go:

Strengths: What are your strengths as an entrepreneur? What do you do particularly well? Or what, in the words of Chris Sacca, what’s your “unfair advantage?”

Perhaps you’re great with product design. Or perhaps your distinguishing characteristic is your ability to sell. Or maybe you can work a room like nobody’s business. Knowing your strengths tells you what added value you can uniquely bring to your business.

Weaknesses: You might be a terrible planner. Or you might procrastinate like nobody’s business. Or you might dread making sales. But you might also feel uncomfortable admitting it or talking about your weaknesses. But unacknowledged weaknesses are business killers. They slowly eat away at the core of your business, with little hope of ever changing the situation. So pay particular attention to weaknesses as you do your personal SWOT – and be as honest as possible with yourself as you do.

Opportunities: Opportunities can be chances to build on your strengths and rectify your weaknesses – either through self-improvement or by adding additional members to the team with complimentary skills. But of course, opportunities can only be leveraged if weaknesses are recognized and acknowledged – yet another reason that honesty is so essential in the process of conducting your personal SWOT.

Threats: Finally, threats can come from multiple places. Your skills may no longer fit the needs of the business you’re in. You might face competition from others who do have these skills – and if you’re unable to acknowledge (and work on) your weaknesses – while at the same time, leveraging and accentuating your strengths, you could find yourself in a precarious professional position. And along these lines is the threat that you as the leader might lack the self-awareness or courage to look yourself in the mirror and conduct a honest, self-reflective SWOT analysis in the first place.

Doing an honest, self-reflective personal SWOT analysis is useful for anyone at any stage of their career. But it’s especially useful for entrepreneurs, who need such a wide-ranging set of skills to achieve their goals and find success in their business. Have you conducted a personal SWOT analysis? If not, what’s holding you back?

Visit here to receive my free guide to 10 cultural codes from around the world, and here for my very best tips on stepping outside your comfort zone at work.

Andy Molinsky is the author of Reach and Global Dexterity.

Originally published at Inc.com.

Source: https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/how-do-swot-analysis-yourself-why-you-need-one-andy-molinsky

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With the impending economic collapse, some Bartering Basics ;-)

“Post borrowed from 21st century Preppers”
Thanks to Jim Cobb

Barter and Trade
This is one of the most common topics in prepper literature, especially online. I’d estimate it ranks just under bug out bags in terms of popularity. My theory is that many preppers are broke and relish the thought of not having to worry about money and instead could “pay the bills” with stuff they’ve stockpiled. That and the whole idea of not having to pay taxes, of course 😉

Barter and trade was probably the first type of financial transaction in man’s history. Uggo trades Shek three fish for a rabbit pelt, that sort of thing. Today, most transactions are made using currency of some form, which makes things vastly easier in many respects. After all, who wants to stop in at Wall-Mart and haggle over how many dozen eggs equal a tube of toothpaste, package of paper towels, and a hair dryer?

The problem with barter has always been deciding the relative worth of the items in hand. This is a decision that is relatively arbitrary. A lot depends on how badly each party wants what the other has to offer. If Uggo really, really needs that rabbit pelt, he might be willing to part with a lot more fish. Of course, if Shek already has so many fish they are starting to rot, Uggo better have something else to trade.

This leads us to the question that is often posed – what items should a survivalist stockpile for use in future bartering? There are many schools of thought on this topic, with both good and bad points for each. A key element to remember, though, is that for a barter or trade to happen, both people involved must bring something of perceived value to the table. You could have stockpiled all the greatest trade goods on the planet but if no one around has something you want or need, then what?

There are essentially two categories for what you might have available to trade or barter – stuff and skills. Stuff refers to the physical items you have on hand you could trade to someone else for either goods or services. Skills are the services you could provide in exchange for what you need.

The key elements in my opinion as to what items to stockpile for future use in barter are:

1) They must be relatively inexpensive now

It makes little sense to spend a ton of money on potential trade goods. I’d much rather see you invest your finances, time, and energy into stockpiling the stuff you and yours will need for the long haul.

2) They must be long lasting and easy to store.

Investing money in anything that goes bad before you need it is a bad move. You and your family also probably don’t want to be living in a Costco simulation. Stick with stuff that will last a long time and won’t be a headache to store.

3) They must have inherent use for you, whether you trade them later or not.

This is important. There might very well never come a time when you’ll need to use the items for barter. Concentrate on storing items that you’ll use anyway.

4) They must be easy to divide into small quantities.

When we’re dealing with trade goods rather than currency, making change can be tough. You don’t want to be in a position where you’ll need to part with a large item in trade for something small just because that’s all you have to give.

 

    Some suggestions for stuff to stockpile for use in bartering:

 

Vices:
Tobacco
Alcohol
Hard candy
Coffee / tea

Medical/Hygiene:
Toilet paper
Chapstick
Feminine hygiene
Vitamins
Pain relievers
Caffeine pills
Condoms
Yeast infection creams

Consumables:
Garden surplus
Honey
Sugar
Powdered milk
Drink mixes
Vegetable oil
Salt
Heirloom seeds

Toiletries:
Soap
Shampoo
Toothpaste
Toothbrushes
Dental floss

Miscellaneous:
Cheap folding knives
Can openers
Butane lighters
Strike anywhere matches
Nails, screws
Hand tools
Cloth, patches
Needles, thread
Safety pins
Socks, underwear

Here are some skills that would have high value after a collapse. Again, same with stuff, the skills must have inherent value to you and your family.

Medical (including herbal remedies)
Dental
Carpentry
Electrical
Plumbing
Sewing/knitting
Automotive, small engine repair
Home brewer, distiller
Cooking
Leather working, tanning
Welding
Smithing, metal working
Reloading

Obviously, if you have skills to offer, you should have stockpiled the necessary tools and supplies to do the job. Most of the above skills would be well suited for a cottage industry after a collapse.

 

    The key elements to a successful trade either now or later:

 

1) Both sides should be happy with the result. Ideally, each party will feel they got the better end of the trade.

2) The trade should take place in a safe manner, as best as is possible. Thus, I highly discourage the idea of trading ammunition, just in case the other person feels like returning their “purchase” using some form of quick delivery system. If the other party is a neighbor or friend, obviously that is a less worrisome transaction than someone relatively unknown. In the latter event, perhaps you can work out a neutral location to swap goods.

3) After TSHTF, it is important you don’t “tip your hand” and make it known you have a stockpile of goodies just waiting for someone to decide they want for themselves. Although, with the right system of protection in place, setting up shop as a trading post may indeed be lucrative.

While the whole idea of prepping is to have all you’ll need to last for as long as necessary, we’re all only human. We might overlook something. We might run out of something. We might find our supply of this or that has gone bad. Prepping for barter assumes there will be someone else who has what you need, of course, but if you stick to the rules outlined above, you shouldn’t end up sitting on a pile of stuff you’ll never use.

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5G in action: KT’s plans to showcase 5G

The ITU Blog

By Dongmyun Lee — Chief Technology Officer, KT

Today we are witnessing the start of an unprecedented smart revolution driven by the latest advanced digital and mobile technology: 5G.

5G promises to deliver higher data rates, lower latency, and more reliable connectivity. In a sense, these improvements are already happening, at a slow, but steady pace, through existing technologies and services, such as fourth-generation long-term evolution (4G LTE), fixed-broadband service, WiFi, and the Internet-of-Things (IoT).

Once 5G technology is commercialized, however, these new applications will come in much greater variety, with enhanced precision — and the speed of change will be much faster.

5G technology is forecasted to provide 100 times faster data speeds than the current 4G LTE technology. It is also expected to enable network connectivity with ultra-low latency equal to less than one-tenth that of present communication systems. It will also make massive connectivity possible, so that hundreds of…

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